Ithink am too conflicted.
It's just a thought,but to b honest am scared of lots of stuff right now.
At a point I realise so much about myself, most of which I do Not know how to take.
I don't expect anyone to understand this.
It bothers me so much tho,it has to be noted.
You ever loved someone so much,they were your everything?
That love that consumed ur very soul.
U Wud do practically do everything to just b wif them.
When ey come first,dignity,pride,friends,and yes, family come second?
It's Not quite an obsession,but its something close.
It's hurting when they do,and happy when they are.
Ecstatic is the feeling when u just the two of you and doing nothing and loving it.
Words fail me.
That person who u convinced is the love of your life..& u knw ul never love anyone else the way u do them.
I loved X.(let's call him that).
Dangerously in love was my tune.
And I loved er moment of it.and him.
Now.....
I have to imagine that feeling.
To write down the above,I had to imagine it.
To remember it.
Coz for one reason Nd another,I don't feel that way anymore.
I don't know when it happened.
But here I am,and the mention of his name does nun to my heart.
I have seen him once on the streets,and he's like,oh well,some gorgeous being.
But that's all.
No heart flutter...no longing to call out for him.
Again,words fail me right now.
It ain't like am numb.or I hate him.
In fact,I was happy to hear sm gud news of him.that's Not numb ryt? Or z t?
I don't hate him,he loved me like nobody ever did.
Av owez believed u determine how u feel...against the old time favourite,u can't help how u feel.
But right now,am Not sure wat I want to feel.
Do I b glad to be over such destructive love?
It doesn't feel like victory.
Do I b sad for the loss of something great,once in a lifetime phenomenal?
For some reason,its Not sad its done with.
But all that brings me to my misery.
Was it love if it cud vanish like that?
What's that say about me if am able to feel like this of a person I claimed to have loved so much?
It's surreal.
It scares me.
The sands of time phrase keeps coming in mind.
Am Not sad...bt nor am I happy.and I need to b one of those to gt past this hazy feeling.
I keep asking myself silly questions yah...
Beatrice,do u love x? Answer is yes.but merely as someone whose life was entwined with me at one point.nothing more.
I explained to Eve,and she agreed with me,its scary.and maybe a little dissapointing.
I See lots of people tweeting and going on about how they would wanna get over someone.
I seriously never planned on doing that,bt I was so excited when I noticed that was what was happening.
But the end? The end is so disgusting.
If X can b unloved.No one stands a chance.sounds corky,bt its true.I know it,er1 close to me knows it.& that's js a sad fact am tryna get around.
*Lord,I believe in you.& know am being scared over nothing.*
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